The Zen of Pickup and “numb”ers
I got an email today that I just replied to. It is one of the foundational and core lectures I give to my students, but I thought I’d share here since I thought the way I replied will help many of you in the community who have this same mindset that numbers prove you are a good pua or that a good guru has to have numbers… My numbers are good. My student’s number’s are awesome. But the number of women you sleep with has both good and bad connotations as you will see in my reply below. This newfound fan wrote the following email…
From: L [name removed to preserve anonymity]
Sent: Thursday, October 07, 2010 1:17 AM
Subject: good work!
I saw you were featured at the PUA summit, I’ve read your blog and seen you on some other websites, I really like it that you are exposing many of the sham artists in the community.
It hurts me when guys are paying money to people who can’t actually pickup.
Cool to see guys who are the real deal getting exposure.
I’m curious about your journey and where you’re at now….
How many girls have you slept with?
Are you seeing multiple girls or have you just settled into a relationship?
Cheers in advance, keep up the good work.
[name removed to preserve anonymity]
Below was my reply:
[Name removed to preserve anonymity],
Thanks for the email.
As for your question… what is your motive for asking?
Because I have a great straightforward answer on how many I’ve slept with. It’s above average but not a ridiculous “PUA” number. Because there is a zen to sleeping with women. The more “numb”ers you get, the more numb you get with women. The less you appreciate their bodies, minds, and who they are.
I notice guys who ask this question are trying to rate a pua or their own games based on “numb”ers. It’s the zen of pickup. There is no number that makes you good with women nor a number that proves your skill… so I bounce it back to you… why ask this question, and what does it mean to you that you asked it?
For example, I have a wingman who has slept with 177 women in 2 years. But he has slept with the SAME KIND OF WOMAN every time using the SAME KIND OF GAME every time. No variety, and this same woman (although in 177 different morphological variations) is NEVER someone he can settle long term with. His game is different. This is what he wants. He wants variety of pussy. But he will never see the fulfillment that comes from a long term relationship with this game. He still sees it as win-lose. Sleeping with 177 of the same type of woman gets as boring as missionary position sex every night with a woman you are married to. It’s an empty game. To me it’s lose lose. His life isn’t being fulfilled with this type of game. He just keeps repeating the same process and keeps getting the same results. Good for him. Not good for most guys.
Me: my game is based on finding the most positive women with positive energy and lifestyles that support and enhance mine. Those women are rare, and the ones I teach my students to screen for as well. I don’t only sleep/date/love with these women exclusively, don’t get me wrong. I can easily run game that gets me 177 women in 2 years just like many of my students and wingmen whom I have taught or learned from. But I have a core value that when you sleep with a woman, her negativity rubs off on your dick. So I tend to screen out for the ones I really want on the inside and outside, because what I seek is long term relationships. I don’t seek validation from women. Numbers-centric instruction just tells you that you need women to validate how good you are with women. I teach my guys to validate themselves, whether they choose one woman for the rest of their lives, 1 woman a night, or multiple-long term relationships.
Ask yourself: Did you get into pickup to get more women? Or did you get into pick up to have more CHOICE? Or both? I got into pickup to get more choice in the number of HIGH QUALITY women I sleep with or have relationships with. Why learn all these skills to sleep with 400 HOOTERS girls? How does that enhance life? I love that I have slept with lawyers, doctors, artists, rock stars, dating coaches, promoters, accountants, former housewives, hairstylists, persians, asians, caucasians, blacks, latinos, euros, cougars, college girls, hooters girls, flight attendants. I screen them for what attracts me first and what’s important to me. The last thing I want is 400 nightclub girls with no variety whatsoever. That’s empty game, and a lot of what the bullshit gurus teach. Whoopee. Look at those “numb”ers. You get so numb you don’t realize you are in just as bad a cycle as being in a bad relationship. Only this time it’s a bad relationship with yourself.
I can tell you I’ve got a social circle of 100’s of women all waiting in the wings for me. … But my mantra is to always leave them better than you found them. If these women can add more to what I’m already getting from my 2 LTR’s right now, then they get added to my life if I feel they enhance it. If not, then they wait with the hope they may get me… that way they don’t get teased into liking me only to feel worse when I go home to my wife like some puas do leaving all their opens and sarges worse off than they found them after that evening.
As far as teaching guys, I can teach either game. The one that gets a girl often or the one that gets the right girl often. Either way is fine with me, as long as the guy’s inner game is ready making the best decision. I just got a 28 year old former virgin to hand in the v card last week. I have one student who has sex exclusively with porn stars and models. I have another student who has same night sex just about every night he goes out. I have a guy who likes college girls (he’s 28) and daygames college campuses exclusively. I have many guys who screened their women so well, and they are in LTR’s with one woman and one is enough. We all know how hard it is to deal with just one. And if there is any ounce of negativity, I expose that to my students so they can make a good decision if a LTR with their choice of woman is worthwhile. I myself like doctors and lawyers and other high end professionals that you don’t usually find at bars. Most of them have extremely high senses of self esteem and positivity.
I feel I am successful with women because I am following my own definition of success. And I find out, or help cultivate, what my student defines as success with women. It’s different for everyone. And I get him there. But I get rid of the damn contradictory and unuseful frame that the number of women you sleep with validates you as a man or pua. It doesn’t. It sells bootcamps. And it still doesn’t mean you can screen out and pickup that HB10 with an HM10. (hot mind). That is a sham and just as much a fraud as the pua summit awards saying somebody is better than someone else just based on internet votes from their family and friends! 400 lays, when you have one technique that finds the same negative energy woman under you, and it’s 400 of the same woman that you don’t want, is not good game. Finding one or more women that fulfill you as a man, free of any need for validation? That’s the shit.
I will answer the second question though…
I currently am in 2 long term relationships … They allow me to sarge as well in case there are other women I am interested in, and I also have given them the freedom to meet others as well. But when you learn high level hypnotic sexual techniques, they always come back and are willing to share you… They both know everything about me and help me teach bootcamps at times.
But my best experience in pickup was an indian pediatrician who so fell in love with me and my game that she paid all expenses for a trip to hawaii to the big island so we could have sex on a volcano, next to the steam vents, so we could be one with the earth while having tantric lovemaking. Then just before getting on a helicopter to see the active lava flows, she blew me. So I’m walking around, just having a bj, on a helicopter, looking at earth’s most natural fire, after having sex on said volcano, all expenses paid by the woman, and she isn’t psycho, a stripper, a bartender, nor a waitress. She does charity work … had the finest body ever. She had the finest brain ever. Every orgasm was an exchange of our lives that I will never lose or forget. That is the experience I help my students strive for. Mutual benefit and respect, with a positive woman. We aren’t together because we live too far apart but damn. If she books two flights to some other volcano, I’m there. You may have a pua that fucks 1000 women, But out of those 1000, they never have that one golden tantric experience like I have multiple times with the women I choose. After the divorce I went through, it takes a DAMN SPECIAL WOMAN to lock me down.
Hope that answers your question, but with more of my philosophy on why number counting hurts. This isn’t pickup. I teach sexual life mastery. I just get more customers by calling myself a master pua.