The “Wire Monkey Guy” is my term for students who came out of poor nurturing environments: environments where there were poorly trained parents, institutionalized care, or poor comfort and touch in relationships. A recent student of mine for dating coaching was one of these guys who many times pose a very serious challenge to teaching the social arts.

He immediately ejected from set. He did not like being touched by a massage therapist with lotion as it brought up severe discomfort. He did not like people touching his shoulders. His Kinesthetic touch was very choppy and quick, and had an overall quality of “attacking” towards the woman. Overall his approach and inability to be touched as well as to touch was not very soothing to any woman. Almost like Mark Zuckerberg in the movie “The Social Network” when Facebook hit 1,000,000 members. He wouldn’t hug Napster’s creator Shawn Fanning.

Getting back to this student of the social arts… his background was he was adopted from an Eastern European country at the age of 6, and was in Eastern European-type orphanages up until that point. If you ever saw the movie “Oliver!” or read Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens, it was very much like that orphanage without the heavy labor. Not much cuddling. Not much comforting. In other words, he grew up at first in the wire monkey environment.

What do I mean by the Wire Monkey? If you are familiar with basic psychology education, Harry Harlow created a set of experiments with Baby Rhesus monkeys in which some had a wire mother, some had a terry cloth mother, and some had a bottle to give food, and some didn’t. The experiment showed that babies “raised” by the wire monkey had difficulty dealing with stressful situations and did not have an ability to find comfort during them, whereas the ones raised by the terry cloth mother coped better with stressful situations. Rhesus monkeys with the wire mother would hunch on the ground and show some psychotic behaviors when stressed, whereas the monkeys with the terry cloth mother knew to go to that mother, cling, and then venture. They had better coping skills. They cuddled and stroked. The wire monkey babies were nervous demonstrating some psychotic behaviors. The experiment overall showed the importance of comfort and companionship in social and cognitive development. One ultimate lesson was that institutionalized child care has failures in developing well-adjusted children to well adjusted adults in comparison to having adoptive parents.

So our student was raised in a wire monkey environment. Now most of us in the pickup game are introverts that had a hard time talking to strangers and that’s a hard enough obstacle to get through psychologically. This guy had that, plus a difficulty with intimacy and in finding comfort during stress and with women, especially with touch.

Now my first recommendation to this student was therapy for his difficulties with touch and intimacy because that will definitely need to be dealt with. The TV show “The Pick Up Artist” Season 2 Episode 4 had a sexologist named Erin who helped the men overcome their fears of touching a woman. Men who grow up in wire monkey environments will likely benefit from such therapy to overcome their fears of intimate touch. The American Board of Sexologists lists, by state, local sexologists who can help people with these issues. The advice of a family doctor, psychiatrist, hypnotherapist, or a psychologist familiar with these issues could also benefit as well.

However I also taught him it was ok to have these issues because they are human issues. He was lucky enough to have loving adoptive parents and a large adopted family to help nurture him afterward from the age of 6 up. Also, social game does not require touch, just being playful and confident and learning how to talk without freezing up or the need for perfection. We know no touch is needed to converse because many a guru has found himself “KINO” in order to remind his students to add kinesthetic touch to his interactions.

We started out on day one getting him out in field to see what happened. First he got nervous and angry that the venue wasn’t large and full. Very strict game definitions were in his head for the “perfect” place to meet women. I did a 3 second countdown and he had all the anchors of stopping and cessation of speech due to a need to be perfect. He had read for 2 years way too much pickup material without applying it in field and it was all in his head in a jumbled mess because he never really put it into action. Plus he had not seen someone who actually knew what he was doing use the stuff he was reading about. He got into his head. Finally he decided after investment (And one of my mind release techniques) that he didn’t care about outcome and opened a group of people by talking over his shoulder. “Who lies more? Men or women.” He had read game for 2 years for this moment. They answered! “Women.” “Ok, who cheats more.” “MEN.”

He succeeded in opening… a country music star. But without much experience “in the field” he ejected telling me he ran out of things to say.

Well me and my wingmen continued with talking with the woman and got her phone number. Despite being the guy who got us into the conversation, he avoided the rest of it. The wire monkey student continued to roam around and get into his head. We later went to a men’s club and the neck-massage girl touched his neck and back and he got angry. He was obviously uncomfortable with touch and eventually also complained that lotion is too disturbing to be placed on his neck by a woman. “Whoa” I thought. There is a lot going on here.

I told him it’s ok, that therapy was needed and it was normal to go through it, but more importantly that it’s ok to tell women that he has this going on and that he’s working on it. Women are wonderful. They are accommodating. A guy who up front tells them he has some issues with touch that HE IS WORKING ON is vastly more attractive than a guy who hides one issue. He didn’t realize what I told him was true until day two of our bootcamp.

After a hypnosis session he was on fire. In one venue he opened 30 groups of people to talk… all the sets in the venue. Correction: All the hottest sets in the venue. The next venue: He opened the hottest professional model in town with success. All of his opens were successful. Next we needed to teach him something to say afterward and to continue creating discomfort in himself by staying in the conversation and interaction as long as he could, with touching the women.

During lecture time he continued to go into his head and freeze. Even with the best NLP techniques, he still froze up even if he made small breakthroughs. Comfort was just not in his vocabulary for himself or his game and the wire monkey had a lot to do with it.

The next day he was excited. Hypnosis. Then opening. More relaxed. And he opened less sets and vowed to stay in longer.

I got a text today. He got into a natural conversation with two women with ease. He did a stare contest and guessed where the women were from. He had command of the conversation. He was relaxed the entire time, and was in the conversation for 15 minutes, remaining comfortable.

He still has issues with touch. But with social skills and the truth, he will have many women to help him and work on his issues with the wire monkey upbringing he was unfortunate enough to grow up with. With some therapy from a sexologist, this guy will be social, AND have his intimacy issues improving. More importantly, owning his situation and being able to tell the right women his vulnerability with touch will make them that much more endeared to him and his situation that they will accommodate him. He is after all a soldier as well and deserves to have relationships for all the sacrifices he’s made for our country.

So in conclusion the above is mentioned just to show that even men from the hardest of backgrounds can become fun, playful, and social. They can also be directed to the resources they need to improve their lives and be more whole. Every man deserves this, especially one who has survived as long as him and who is a hero of the American Military. Many a master pickup artist has given up on these guys because of these backgrounds. By showing them the way, they don’t have to live a life of stress and discomfort in social situations.

If you know someone who has grown up in un-nurturing environments or who has significant intimacy issues, make sure they know that there is some help out there rather than allowing them to live a frustrated, lonely life. Training in the Social Arts under a well-trained instructor provides the ability to talk to members of the opposite sex. Coupled with sexual therapy, the Wire Monkey guy can become his best self, no longer unsure of how to handle human contact. He can become that other guy who is successful in life and with women.