The Intellectual Superiority defense shield… Eliminate this frame asap!
Gentlemen and ladies,
I have a new student and he has had very little social interaction throughout his life. And let’s just say our beginnings have been interesting to say the least. But he is a very willing learner so it is absolutely my pleasure to teach him. However he has strong defenses to improvement. Let me explain.
He is quite intelligent and comes from an intelligent family. He lived overseas in multiple countries until he was 10 years old. Then came to the US and had to assimilate and had a hard time of it. Where most of us would think he had an exotic beginning to his life, he sees it as a huge negative.
He comes from a place many of my students come from. Not very social, some insecurities of self, harsh on himself many a time, and perfectionistic with any actions. He is so perfectionistic he avoids interactions with women at times since he won’t be perfect in them, at least in his own defintion and mind. Last evening while listening to his language patterns and thoughts, I noticed a pattern in his jokes and thought patterns. “People magazine. I would never interact with people who read THAT.” “Women 30-38.” This is his strict definition of who he would be willing to date. I noticed a subtle yet very condescending tone towards people of lower quality or intellect, and a very harsh view on himself as well.
He sabotages sarging sessions by being long-winded and talking incessantly on his own intellectual subjects, not sensing the subjects at hand that the people he is interacting with are leading towards. Despite my setting boundaries on his conversation so we can move to sarging, he goes beyond these boundaries talking again stating that he needs to explain himself (As if our intellect is not high enough to understand his statements alone.” At this point he has read very little about game too.
One of my wings in England, Grayboy, and I were talking NLP and the mechanism of this… and he had a great explanation. “Thats a shield ….intellectual superiority… real or imagined… can be a great source of comfort. “They dont like me because they are too stupid to get me” IS a shedload easier on the ego than “They dont like me because I dont understand social dynamics”. Yet less productive. Feeling of Intellectual Superiority = at best thinly disguised condescending attitude.” He and I nailed it on the head what thought process and pattern was going on here.
If you’ve ever read the book “A Confederacy of Dunces,” John Kennedy O’Toole introduces a character that is extremely intelligent, has notebooks full of his thoughts and writings and they are high level intellectual writings on society as a whole. He finds everyone in New Orleans, especially his mother, intellectually inferior to him. He writes long essays and treatises on the subject on how he’s smarter than everyone else. But since he feels he’s the only one who understands them, he now keeps them to himself. His jokes are always tainted with a hidden hint of disdain for his fellow man. This character in literature is intellectual, smart, but debases people. On top of that, despite that high intellect he is only a hot dog salesman.
So people of high intellect, who do not open up to people and get social, will isolate themselves with the excuse and defense that “Well nobody in this world is up there with me, nobody understands me, I must live a lonely life because there are no matches for me and my intellect. I am too picky and my tastes are high that nobody can ever match them.” Easy way out to justify being antisocial and not good with people. “I’m so smart, I’m going to fall in love with a computer terminal and interact this way. I’m going to be a book jockey too.”
The hardest thing was explaining it to him. Because instantly there was a feeling from him that he was being attacked or I was being condescending myself when I used my basic techniques to demo to him his language and thought patterns. As George Orwell taught in Animal Farm, bad writing comes from bad thinking, and bad thinking also creates bad language patterns. But to defend bad thinking, anyone with a counterpoint is condescending themselves, attacking, or just not understanding because of lower intellect.
But my biggest realization was that he had not socialized with society for so long… that he did not have basic calibration ability in human interaction. He did not have that radar in him yet. He did not have the alarm system most of us have when boundaries have been crossed or when people call him on his attitude to those of lesser intellect.
Being a provocative hypnotherapist of the Jorgen Rasmussen school, I confronted him with my reality and truth of the situation and my thoughts on his condescending attitude, his behavior. I really don’t think anyone ever illustrated to him, point blank, how destructive his thoughts were to himself and his relationship to society. He hurt my own feelings several times, questioning me, my ability, and my sexuality. (Umm, you hired me and are now asking if I am Bisexual because bisexuals will teach game better? And when I answered straight, with his logic there was no way I could be the best. Ok. Poor logic!)
Grayboy goes on… “He needs more exposure to people……..not just hot girls but everyone (Grayboy I think you nailed it there). However he would rather talk to you, as you’re obviously intelligent, you’re “on his level” then, not like “regular stupid people.” Thus explains the long conversations and explanations too before sarging.
Then Grayboy throws in this zinger: “Its going to be tough, he will LOVE negging tho if he discovers it! Good luck………………..” I think I’m staying away from that lesson at first. Because subtle condescension is not negging or disqualifying yourself. It is disqualifying EVERYONE ELSE to maintain that you are not socially versed because of their lack of intellect.
Overall we all have different defense mechanisms. But tearing other people down to make yourself feel good is NOT leaving them better than you found them and will lead to more loneliness. People will hang out with you if they feel better about themselves around you. But if you are constantly berating and making fun of people, and not in a teasing way, you are being an intellectual bully and that needs to stop lest you lose any social contacts you may make.
I see this in the community all the time either in discussions of gurus or puas. “He’s not as good as me. I have 177 f closes and he has 20.” “Look he only charges 1000 per bootcamp while I charge 3000.” “I have women students too. he only teaches men.” Anything that can be said to knock down the competition only makes you isolated in the community. This elitist stance and thought process only leads to loneliness. Sure be proud of your achievements, but don’t knock someone else down because of it. Build yourself AND them up.
As Grayboy alluded, the cure for this is EMPATHY. Understanding your fellow man. Getting hobbies, Meeting men and women of all types. Charity work. Because if nobody ever calls you on your bullshit thoughts, you go around thinking bullshit, wondering why you are isolated socially, and thinking that you have to explain things to the extreme due to others’ intellectual inferiority. You justify loneliness by saying, “I’m lonely because I’m superior.”
But if you keep saying that, you end up talking to computers all your life.
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