Jamie Thompson is a dating coach from LA who has been doing the Female dating coach for guys thing since 2007. She was on the women’s panel of the 2010 PUA world summit and was doing some film work of different people in the community. She has a blog and I found this post very enlightening. And the great thing is it’s not just me thinking there were so many lost souls at the summit. As a female she too felt the try-hard, desperate energy of many of the instructors and students.

One of my key philosophies in teaching men is that the guy who gets along best with women is the one who gets along best without them. Ghost. Non needy. Doesn’t try hard. Doesn’t put her value above his. She gives specific examples of what I mean in her post that you can find by clicking here.

She was filming a documentary at the Summit and got several of my colleagues on film including “BigWin” from the Project Hollywood Yahoo group. Big win did great on stage when he demo’d with DJ Fuji and Psyche. In fact he blew the room away with how well he did.

Jamie’s best analysis is this:

Many guys at the PUA Summit were so fixated on getting something from the woman that they don’t pay attention to the signals she is sending them. They want to get her number, or even her validation, maybe they really want to make out or take her home and they get so focused on that, they forget reality. An example: I’m on the phone with my friend (who is there) and she is approached twice while we are talking, she politely said “I’m busy, and I’m with the summit, my boyfriend is an instructor” and 5 minutes later I heard her say “get the hell away from me, you’re making me uncomfortable” to which he said “Really? Why?” And guess what! It was by the same guy! Later we saw him awkwardly hitting on another girl and my friend ran and hid so he wouldn’t see her. Had he backed off (properly socially calibrating the situation, and respecting her signals) he wouldn’t have gotten yelled at and she wouldn’t have ran away from him later.

I try to instill/install an anti-try-hard sensor in all my students. They move too fast, they only talk to 9’s or 10’s and bomb badly, and they talk too fast before I give instruction or hypnotize them. The ones who are the worst at this are always seeking external validation rather than validating of themselves. Unfortunately Jamie sees what I see. The majority of shitty PUA training makes guys a bunch of miscalibrated monkeys or hyped up robots, and masks the confident, self-loving self that women find attractive. You can’t disguise a scared guy with gambits and tactics. They only work if you calibrate and learn the inner game at the same time.

Jamie goes on:

There is an underlying feeling of desperation and neediness I saw at the Pick-up Artist Summit. Many of the guys were desperate to get laid or validated by women in some way. This creates a scenario where what ever it is they need so bad will not come to them because they are chasing it so intently.

As you know I have trained the instructors for some of these PUA companies for the reason quoted above. They become even more desperate after spending 2,000-10,000 dollars in training and are shattered when they don’t see the same results as Mystery or the guys on the Pick Up Artist TV show, even as INSTRUCTORS. When they come to me we start at square one. “What do you like about yourself. Why did you stop doing it for pickup?”

One of my students who just lost his virginity at 28 took a year of training to pass this barrier. (And no, we bartered I did not charge). He started with one famous guru on a weekend bootcamp. The 2 other students on his bootcamp kiss closed. He didn’t. No numbers either. One weekend with me and I had a woman tell me she would have same-night-laid him if he didn’t use a gambit she had heard before.

And there IS NO SHORTCUT. You have to love yourself to do it right. So he was somewhat flabbergasted to have me focus on his artwork and lifestyle when it had nothing to do with women in our first bootcamp. It wouldn’t be until he so immersed himself in his art and drawing that he could feel attractive enough to be the man he wanted to be. He was self validated through his art career. If a woman shot him down, he is still a fucking awesome artist and nobody can take that away, no matter how harsh the shit test. That type of confidence is cultivated. It is not invented. He had all the goods to have a same night lay a year ago. But would that make him a better man who would be attractive all the time and confident in life as well as bed? No, and that is why many companies take the wrong angle on lifestyle management and dating success. This student now has the tools and self love to ensure he remains true to his self goals, and hopes he finds women/a woman who positively support that as well as blows his mind in the bedroom.

I still claim the title of mPUA even though it’s being bashed right now due to the summit. But if you are teaching people the crap that I was seeing at the summit, you AREN’t MPUA. You are a charlatan and a crook charging top dollar for ruining men’s lives. So Kudos to Jamie for getting it, and being honest and upfront about what she saw. There are a lot of gurus out there who wouldn’t be so honest after being given a spot on the stage but it needs to be said. A lot of guys in pick up are paying a lot of money for shit training.

Therefore I fully accept any and all criticism for my teaching style. In my photoreading lecture you can see I used the photoread routine to be a “buyer beware” as well, teaching the men how to tell, through their photographs, which “gurus” are truly attracting women, and which ones are just standing in a photo with beautiful women. You’d be amazed that only 5% of the gurus me and my students investigated had consistent attraction with the women they photographed with. Despite all the bashing, Mystery gets the thumbs up for having the best calibrated photos showing the most female-to-mystery attraction.

It was hilarious, after teaching my lecture, having the students come up to me with the ads that were left on some of the tables. “THIS GROUP HAS NO WOMEN INTERESTED IN THEM!” when they looked at the photos in their ads. An informed consumer is a better consumer. I was glad to help them. It was almost as if these students had become top members of PUAhate exposing some “gurus” for the bullshit artists they really are.

I’d love them to stop deceiving these guys, however it’s what keeps me coaching. I tear away all the gambit bullshit and build them up from the true foundation of their true selves.

As I stated in my talk on stage, Gurus should AT FIRST DO NO HARM. Do not pile shit tactics on a guy who has shit for self image. You have to give a coaching framework that allows for the development of self love at the same time teaching the gambits for rapid success and proof of the deservedness of that self love.

Oh, and PUAHate has a thread of jacked photos from the conference and they are HILARIOUS. And deservedly so. I was given “Oscar for Asian Faggot.” And now Ross Jeffries has PUAFRAUD.com to expose the tactics of gurus that are unethical to their students as well as their colleagues. And now there is also a website of an intern of Art of Charm exposing things as well. http://www.theartofcharmscam.com/the-art-of-charm-review-from-an-intern

Anyhow the community is going through a catharsis right now. The KTLA video is proof that buyers should beware. And many men are finding out the expensive training is not the immediate turnaround they thought it would be. There is no shortcut. It takes hard work and time in field to get good with women in a win-win situation where you aren’t “gaming” her but are calibrating a relationship with her on solid terms. If you are able to realize this, and are ready to get bottom-up training to start from a solid foundation to come up with your own method of relationship formation, maybe we should finally talk.

Kudos on a great post Jamie.