It’s the Nod. That nod I get from a student who finally ends years of frustration. The nod I get from a student who has had years of approach anxiety getting in his way only to see it disappear in an hour with my work. It’s the nod I get when a virgin of 28 years old looks at me and says, “That’s what I was nervous about? It’s just sex!” It’s the nod I get when a guy who has so self-hated himself for years learns to love himself. It’s the nod I get at the end of the night after a sarge session…. where the woman nods at me thanking me for winging the man she just made out with. It’s the nod I get from my students who have popped the question with the lady they had met just after bootcamp. It’s the nod I get from the divorced man who realizes his life isn’t shot to hell because he is 50 years old and has kids and his wife had an affair.
The Nod was the subject of the movie, Groove that I mentioned in my metaphorical movie list. It’s about a rave promoter and why he does it. When I work with people they become more alive. They become free. They loosen or break shackles. I could work harder in my own profession and make much more money. But the nod is energizing and fulfilling. The nod at the end of the night is the sign that I have done my healing work on someone and they can go on without me and never spend another dime on other people’s information tactics, or my own. The person who nods gets it. That they are the coolest person ever, and I am the lucky one who gets to watch them grow from that point on, male or female. It’s great to watch the world by watching one person change for the better at a time.
A trend I have noticed in my students is the number of men coming out of mother-dominant households who need game training and life coaching. This week I focus on two students in particular. One student is a college student who has not really had a relationship with his biological father and has had a mother who eventually married his stepfather. The second is a student whose parents are together, but the mother is the dominant moneymaker and decisionmaker in the family. Both students have similar patterns to their behavior and brings up some general points for men who have been raised in mother-dominant households.
One of the paradoxes of being a well-adjusted male and comfortable in social situations and with women is that in order to become loving and comfortable with women, it requires becoming loving and comfortable with one man in your life. Your father. Now this does not take forgiveness for serious wrongs that have been done. However in order to love women completely, you have to love your father or at least respect him… flaws and all. (In order to be a firm heterosexual, it takes a homosexual love of your father to get there. Weird right? But true. No, not gay love, but love and respect for the way your father did things).
The college-aged student who never really knew his father realizes his father did make attempts at reconciling and getting to know him later. However since it was late in his teens he states, “What’s the use?” Knowing from my own situation and divorce, many times it is not the father’s fault that he cannot see his kids. Sometimes it is the unfair system that prevents fathers from being custodial or joint custody parents. Sometimes it’s the circumstances. Sometimes it’s fate. Sometimes it’s financial. But I have yet to find a father who doesn’t regret not seeing his kids, unless there is a vice taking his attention away far stronger than family ties. (Drugs, alcohol, work, women). A respect of the fact that he was able to father you is one step in the positive. At least you know he had the ability to replicate. However in not seeing any redeeming qualities in his own father, there comes a bad reflection on his own self… In not loving his father, he refuses to love a part of himself, and this limits his ability to love others and be social. Men who cannot see ANY redeeming qualities in their own father look at a part of themselves, their genetics that have been transferred, as flawed. This is by no means true, but without any love whatsoever for their fathers, men in this situation have a hard time accepting everything about them as positive and lovable.
Student two had both his parents remain married. However his mother was the breadwinner in the family as a physician. Dad was very social in public, but in the household was much more reserved, at home, and did not stand up for himself much. There was the threat of divorce at one point in the relationship. With that threat the mom inoculated this student with disdain for his father. She emphasized how he didn’t work, he didn’t make money, and was worthless, and he carried that disdain in his head for his whole life. A child in this situation is taught to hate his father for his lack of maniliness. Similar to the first student, this student had a hard time looking at his father with love and respect. In fact he could say nothing kind about him and almost blamed his father for his difficulties in life just as his mother did.
However after the age of 18, when a man is independent, his difficulties in life should be blamed on himself from that point on in order to have the self love to improve and break away from any family curses.
This student had had difficulty closing despite having much game instruction and several professional bootcamps under his belt. He had also been to a same-night lay seminar in which most of the students closed that weekend. He was one of the few that did not and came to me for answers. My answer was simple. Again, in order to love himself enough to love others, he had to find a love for his dad… otherwise he would never understand WHY he was seen as such a weakling in his mother’s eyes, and why his mother constantly berates his father to him, and why he was constantly parroting his mother’s statements about his father.
When I went through my divorce, my ex-wife tried similar tactics with my kids. She tried to convince her lover whom she was having an affair with that I wasn’t a man, and that he needed to take over the fatherhood of my children because I wasn’t an adequate father. She once sent my son to Christian day school with an assignment called, “About me” which was a collage of his life. In that collage a picture of the man she was having an affair with appeared and I was nowhere to be found. She was trying to castrate me from my children. Luckily I had a good lawyer and fought long and hard to bankruptcy to keep joint custody of my kids so that she would not be able to brainwash my kids into thinking I was a weak father. However, now looking back and understanding the situation, it is easy to see why a woman goes to such lengths. She wants the children to hate the father so she can keep some security through child support financially, and child support from the children themselves socially. By having the kids on her side it helps guarantee the kids will stay with her in case one parent moves away or if the father tries to get full custody. By having the kids on her side, she won’t lose the kids to the father.
However some men are not in a position to fight, financially or emotionally. They fear loss of their wives, loss of their manhood etc. so go along with the demands of the woman. In the children’s eyes, they could have done better, especially if mom is telling them constantly day in and day out that they have a weak father who doesn’t fight for them.
If a life artist wants to get beyond this filter, they have to really meditate on the past and what was really happening. For student two we went through some deep discussions about the hateful statements he was making about his father constantly. When he finally saw that there was a trend to his statements being congruent with his mother’s thoughts, he realized the truth. He was put in a position to choose sides, and had hated his father for being weak to his mother only because his mother taught him to feel this way. We delved into ways he could appreciate and love his father. Once he saw the filter put up before him through his mother in the way he saw his father, he lifted that filter and understood the part he played in his parents’ near divorce. Without that filter up any longer, he could fully love and respect his father. Once he was able to fully love and respect his father, he was able to fully love and respect HIMSELF much more deeply and wholly than without the love of his father. In loving his father, he could finally love the genetic components and mannerisms and soul he possessed that were handed down from his father, and allow him to share that part of himself with others, women and men alike. Once he was able to openly share that part of himself with others, he felt MUCH more attractive and the rest is history. THe best kiss close he ever had (2 makeouts with a woman he just met) finally came to be, and he is on the road to a good meaningful relationship or f close in the future. More importantly though, his filters are CLEAR of any false thoughts about his father.
His last relationship with a womanprior to getting into game was 3-years running with no sex until he threatened leaving. The woman was dominant. He wanted someone like his mom who wouldn’t take his shit. However in that process he did find a dominant woman who was just like his mom… and he became his dad. She was a behaviorist who tried to control his behavior and refused sex with him.
If you find yourself looking for a dominant woman, many times it is for this reason… mom was dominant or you don’t want the girl to take your shit because your dad was too dominant. Either way, it is because of some hatred or disgust with your father. Once you get away from this hate and disgust from your father, you can find the women that do not look down on you or loathe you, but instead those women who love you in mutually beneficial, positive situations.
Do you find yourself not moving forward with women because you don’t want to act like your father did if he was abusive? Do you not want to be more sexual because your dad had sex in affairs? Do you find yourself unable to close with women when everyone else around you is succeeding? Many times it is this very inner game problem that will not clear up until you love something about your father, or at least accept his “flaws”. Many guys look at their dads as flawed, but those flaws are sometimes him surviving and replicating back to hunter-gatherer systems of thought rather than the thought of monogamy that has been socially programmed.
Student one is still looking for some sense of reconciliation with his father. Once he does his game will skyrocket. However until then he will question 1/2 of the genetic makeup he has, thus questioning if he truly is attractive if there are characteristics of his father in himself.
Wikipedia’s explanation of the Oedipal Complex helps explain this phenomena partially.
Classical theory holds that “resolution” of the Oedipus complex takes place through identification with the parent of the same sex and (partial) temporary renunciation of the parent of the opposite sex; the opposite-sex parent is then “rediscovered” as the growing person’s adult sexual object.
In classical theory, people who are fixated at the Oedipal level are “mother-fixated” or “father-fixated”, and reveal this by choosing sexual partners who are discernible surrogates for their parent(s).
So many men in mother-dominant households show mother-fixated levels of attachment. In doing so they choose women that will lead and dominate, which most students of life game will state causes the women to be overall dissatisfied since they all want someone to lead or take control.
That’s Gunwitch. 31 years old. The Gunwitch method. Followed by many in the community. Part of the book “The Game.” Whoo boy.
I’ve always been one to teach, “Beware the guru you choose… because the model you follow may lead you down the same paths.”
Yeah. THis gives pickup a bad name… only because he is a “guru” with this website and podcast: http://www.gunwitch.com/
You hear it all the time. Guys who never had women before, already misogynistic, becoming misogynistic pua’s. Externally validated men, who damage any woman in their path.
There is a fine line from pua to rapist. Pua to douchebag. Pua to abuser.
Many guys in this game have been really hurt or damaged, and are teaching other guys.
They talk about instant lays like they are triumphs. Sometimes an instant lay is rape.
It really doesn’t have to be this way.
My first lecture to any student who learns from me: Do good things for people. Anything in game that does not have this as a foundational tenet will land you in bad karma land. At first do no harm. These days we have a bunch of young men teaching game with no ethic to it whatsoever. As if the women are objects.
Look around at the community. I train men to be their best selves. But I instantly call out men whose selves aren’t ready or best. I recently removed someone from one of my private discussion groups for saying he “destroyed two naturals.” He was trying to show off in his post. But I saw no reason for the negative karma to destroy anyone. Sure if the guys were mean to you and you are getting your payback by telling their women the truth about them that’s one thing. But destroying two guys for no reason at all is stupidity. Is your best self misogynistic? Then you need therapy. If you have any ounce of hate for women in your bones, no matter how badly a woman has hurt you (I have the worst story I know), you should be working on THAT FIRST and NOT game.
Kosmo and I were training in NYC at Mansion one evening. A group of 6 men from RSD surrounded Kosmo telling him they were going to amog the shit out of him and his students and get in his way the whole evening, and were quite belligerent about it. Kosmo attempted to befriend them. “Guys. There’s plenty of women here. We should be HELPING each other succeed rather than trying to destroy each other. You have 28,851 days on this earth. 8250 prime days for finding a woman. And you wasted ONE OF THOSE DAYS Amogging me?” Those were men out to destroy as well. They walked away, but at the end of his talk one of the RSD trainees asked Kosmo for his card and became his student right then and there. Your students will see your low self esteem eventually and leave you because of it if you teach when you are not your best self.
Is your best self a douchebag? Dressing up and gooning it up, or imitating douchebags? Why did you pay thousands of dollars to learn jersey shore game? They’re teaching it for free tonight on tv.
Is your best self someone who tries to damage others? Negate them? amog them? When did you get so involved in other people’s lives to damage them to stop focusing on yours?
Is your best self an abuser? Do you have so low a self esteem that you fear losing women still? You fear it so much you would beat them up or emotionally threaten them to keep them?
Is your best self a businessman that uses the audition couch as a pickup pad? Modelling services, agents?
Is your best self being married to a beautiful wife, only to go out picking up women still because “It never turns off?” Or to demo to others, only to devastate the woman you were interacting with when you had no intention of doing anything with the real attraction you built up in her? (You forgot she was human, didn’t you).
Is your best self… a PICK UP ARTIST??? The most zen aspect of pick up is that once you get good… it’s time to get out. It’s an enhancement. Not a life. Anyone who tells you otherwise has a karmic end. I see it all the time. Lonely guys with many kids he doesn’t know or no kids, still in the club or in the old paradigm in which they found their past women. No enrichment from the women. Just used the women as objects to get his rocks off on. I may be a master pickup artist, but I am using the skill to find women to get out. I teach guys the skills only because I like seeing guys succeed when they deserve it. I drop lots of guys out of my training because they are selfish pricks that will never create a win-win-win situation with a woman. Some of the younger gurus are traveling all over, getting women, only to see their facebook wall full of posts from their mom and their sister as the only women in their lives. Because the women are never permanent. IS that the best self we are striving for?
Some gurus never see themselves in the mirror. They are so full of their followers they are never called out for their bad thoughts. They get false senses of authority and can’t keep it together as far as keeping their identity in check. Ross Jeffries himself challenges his staff to challenge him when he is out of line. (I saw him tell someone that on the cellphone during conversation so I know first hand and he thanked the staffer for calling him out.) But if you are in the valley of the blind, the guy with one eye is king, despite the fact he can’t tell he is wearing affliction t shirts from 2 years ago.
So Gunwitch. After all these years of game. His current best self is an attempted murderer. Eww. Do good things for others. It’s the first lesson of game. Love women. I just can’t understand the lack of direction instructors give. With great knowledge comes great responsibility. You must teach an ethic to game or else you end up teaching a bunch of guys to be douchebags or misogynists. Plain and simple.
Gunwitch. Gun. Witch. The name is NLP magic. He shot a woman in the face with a gun. Talk about self-fulfillment. Listen to his last podcast if you dare where he talks about how advanced he is at marksmanship. Where he has no emotion anymore and can stay calm when pulling a gun in the face at a person. This is his best self? I am saddened nobody ever called him out on his problem. “No fear anymore or shakiness.” “I used to fucking want to get in gunfights.” “I used to be a nervous child with a gun.” Cold blooded. Best self? He taught game and had a product for sale that is still up for grabs. Beware the guru you choose. If you feel negative energy, walk away. Use your naturally given social senses.
A student this weekend noticed that I use a lot of movies as NLP metaphors to teach game. He asked me to put up a list of what to watch as he missed many of them in the past. Here is my list of movies that I use to teach game.
The Last Dragon: We must all realize that we are already the master, and we don’t need to seek out new game or masters. we are the masters.
Bridges of Madison County: Clint Eastwood is “The guy who doesn’t count”
Disney: Despite social programming, all women want to be natural women choosing the partners they want for themselves. Mermaids want to have sex with humans despite their dad warning them they’ll become sea foam
The Matrix: There is a matrix of pickup that is false. Once you learn from me you see the true matrix. It goes deeper than just learning iois and iods.
Avatar: Hunter gather life, women and men were hunters, Congruence (imitating a blue alien/alpha guy vs becoming one at the end)
Top Gun: the lexicon movie (The movie where all the terms of pick up came from). Never leave your wingman
Hugh Grant Movies: Look for the serendipitous moment where suddenly he looks the girl in the eye when dropping papers and falls in love. What every girl wants. Why every romance novel has this moment. Every chick flick has this serendipitous moment. A master of game creates those moments all the time.
The Secret: the basics of NLP remodeling of limiting beliefs. Spiritual, but basically a dvd that NLP’s out limiting beliefs.
The Sure Thing: Why gaming hot girls is at times empty vs making strong connections with women that allow win win win situations
Hot Tub Time Machine: You can retool your life and become Motley crue once you realize your foundational core problems.
The Pursuit of Happyness: No matter how bad things get, there is a way to get ahead again. Humans have a large reserve for coming up from rock bottom
Groove: The story of the rave culture and why people did it. General dialogue and chat that happens at parties to demo club chat. But at the end is the kicker. Why some people do what they do. The nod. It’s why I teach game. The nod at the end of the night. One of the good reasons to do things. Fits Johnny sopporno’s “Do good things for people” mantra.
Sex Drive: A movie about why oneitis is sometimes bad because it links you to bad women. But the real reason it’s a watch is it is obviously written by guys in game. Lots of funny game discussion in the movie.
Magnolia. The movie sucked. But watch Tom Cruise imitate Ross Jeffries and laugh your ass off. Exposes the problems with gurus who have to keep up an image when they are telling everyone else to be themselves Where they aren’t doing the same.
What do you have to add to the list?
Addendum: Roadhouse: Patrick Swayze shows seduction transition in a great scene, how women love mystery and depth in a guy. (BOuncer. Harvard educated)
Airplane: Brad P’s absurdify taken to the extreme. How to funnily misinterpret people.
THIS GUY WAS ME FOR 8 YEARS! Now I’ve learned game.