Carlos Xuma lets me do an E Interview
So Carlos Xuma gave me an interview via email recently. I’ve used many of his products to help me become more alpha in mindset and frame. His teaching style is VERY MUCH like mine and there’s no reason for me to reinvent his products or the wheel. You might as well get them from the source. You can listen to him alone and reframe success. If you just want to see his website and his products CLICK here
Techno: First question, How did you get in PUA and how long have you been in the game.
Carlos Xuma:”I’ve been helping guys get more success with women for the last 7
years on the Internet.
“Before that, I went through a long and hard journey of trying to
figure out how and why my dating life had gone so very wrong. I was
reading books on relationships, and all the stuff you find in the
bookstores, but they were all written by people who really weren’t
getting very good results in their own lives. They talked about the
way things SHOULD be – logically. But, as we know, attraction is
anything but logical.
“My big focus now is helping guys overcome their own self-limiting
beliefs and master both the INNER game of attraction (confidence,
self-esteem, etc.), as well as the skills – the OUTER game of
“I also teach guys about MOTIVATION – which is the fuel for all the
things a you will accomplish in your life.
“This is what I call the “Triple-Threat”: Motivation, Inner Game,
Outer Game. With all three of these in place, you’re unstoppable.
Techno: Question 2: What do you think is the biggest mistake guys make when meeting women?
Carlos: “In my opinion, the biggest mistake is how most guys THINK when they
go out. You see, all of the questions I get from guys have two
parts – the inner and the outer, and one is a matter of *beliefs*,
and the other is a matter of knowing the correct WHAT to do – the
“First, when most guys go out, they are thinking about GETTING
women. This is the first big mistake. You’re focused on your own
needs and wants and not enough on GIVING to other people. If you go
out with this “I want to get a woman” mentality, women will pick it
up. Even guys can sense a selfish agenda.
“But you can have a healthy DESIRE for a woman that creates
something much more intense than just physical intimacy, and that
involves a change of attitude.
“Ask yourself a simple question: ‘If she knew what my motives were,
could I blame her for her reaction?’
“Guys don’t realize that women want sex even MORE than they do. They
enjoy it more than we do, why wouldn’t they? But they have a much
better ability to control that desire with protective instinct.
Techno: Question 3: What would you say is the best, but little known, place to meet women?
Carlos: “Honestly, speed dating. I used to do these events all the time, and
I’d come away with a girlfriend every time I did one. Plus, they
are excellent places to hone and refine your social skills. I’d try
out new conversation and new questions, and I’d really get a feel
for what works with a woman.
“You see, you have to work the numbers. 95% of the guys I talk to
are meeting LESS than 1 woman a week. Once you get past the
“approach anxiety” challenge – something that every guy has, and I
show you how to get past it – you see that it’s all about meeting
enough women that you can make an educated choice as to the one you
create a relationship with.
“The next best place for guys is online dating. Every guy knows
about this one, but not every guy is using it to his advantage – or
correctly. Most guys quit before they get the results they’re
looking for, and it’s simply a job of tweaking his approach. In my
opinion, you need to have more than 2 ways to meet women that
you’re using ALL the time.
Techno: Question 4: What is your process of training guys?
Carlos: “The first step is a complete reboot of their masculine operating
system. This is a clearing out of their old thoughts and mistaken
beliefs about women and social dynamics. Next up is a complete
reload of their operating system with Alpha Man OS. This is simply
re-educating a guy to what being a MAN in today’s world really is.
“Once you understand the changes in thinking that need to take
place, you then have to have a game plan for implementing them into
your life so that they become your natural way of acting and
thinking. Again, I’m teaching guys the big picture stuff here, not
the “how to get laid with the drunk bar chick at 2:00 AM” method.
“The next step after that is to unlock your motivation.
Techno: Question 5: What is one thing a guy could do RIGHT now to change his game?
Carlos: “First of all, get in touch with your real passions in life. There
is no single thing that I have found that has had such a drastic
effect as really getting in touch with what gets me fired up about
LIFE. And let me assure you guys out there that are thinking:
“Women are my passion!” NO. Women are not a true passion. They are
an outlet of your sexual drive, but not your TRUE passion.
“(And when women find a guy that’s just into women, or appears to
be, he trips their radar in all sorts of bad ways. She knows that
this guy is not a good bet for her evolutionary success.)
“When you find the things that get you excited about life – like
your hobbies and your goals and your relationships in general – you
will pay less attention to women for your fulfillment, which
ironically makes you more attractive to them.
“So, that being said, guys still want to be more successful with
women along the way, so we can do that, too. Here’s a way you can
use this right now:
“Right now, take out a piece of paper and make a list of all the
things that really get you fired up about life. Detail them in
terms of their sensory experience. If you like snowboarding (as I
do), then you might write something like: Snowboarding – the sense
of wind and biting air on my face, the relentless rush of speed
down the mountain, the moments of catching air and feeling your
heart stop in your chest, etc.
“The more sensory description you can put into it the better. Then,
memorize this and talk about it when you’re with a woman. I
guarantee you this will work better than almost any “script” or
fake routine you can find out there. Why? Because it’s genuine and
“Also, the most potent and immediate thing you can do with a woman
to generate attraction is to be FUN.
“If you’re too serious and too focused on what you’re trying to get,
you can’t be fun. And when you create the frame of giving her fun
and excitement, you will also be focused on the GIVING.
“Make FUN your focus, and you’ll start seeing a radical difference
in your results.
Techno: Question 6: What was your biggest, most striking learning moment in becoming a social artist?
Carlos: “I remember I was reading a book that talked about the fact that
relationships between people are not logical. As much as we want
things to be the way they SHOULD be – like everyone treating
everyone fairly, no prejudice, etc. – it isn’t this way. We don’t
relate in any logical ways. And if you fight this reality, you’ll
always be crying about life not being “fair” to you.
“Then I realized that it didn’t really matter what *I* wanted. I
could want a woman to like me and do everything I could to impress
her. If she wasn’t attracted to me, it wouldn’t change anything.
You can’t force someone to like you or desire you. Plain and simple.
“Unless I can see through a woman’s eyes and see what it is that
makes her interested and attracted, I could push forever and never
get her interested in me. So I switched my point of view.
“Ask yourself this question: What matters more to the woman you’re
interested in – what YOU want, or what SHE wants?
“Then it all came down to a matter of one more question – What can I
do to influence others that gets results? AND does it so that we
“The answer to that question is what I teach guys. Because that’s
the ethically correct way, and the way that gets me what I want at
the same time. Win-Win.
Techno: Question 7: What is the craziest thing to happen in your journey as a dating guru and instructor
Carlos: “Well, when I had finally started to get the hang of how to handle
social interactions with women where I was getting a lot of good
results, I remember I once had a weekend where I was meeting 6
different women in two days. I thought that was really cool –
complicated, but very cool. I finally had that sense of “arriving,”
you know? Where my hard work had finally gotten me to a turning
point in my life.
“Since then, I’ve had up and down times, but I’ve never felt like I
would ever be “alone” or wanting for female companionship. I always
feel like I’m within a few minutes of meeting a woman, whether
that’s on the street, or online, or whatever. I got past my
scarcity mindset, and now life truly feels abundant. And not just
“Now I spend my time helping other guys get to that same place in
“(I’ve been sworn to secrecy about some of the other crazy times,
like waking up in the back of a truck full of band equipment… but
that’s another story…)
Techno: Question 8: How does your instruction differ from all the other guys out there (And we know there’s a shit ton)
Carlos: “I teach a holistic approach to dating. I don’t JUST teach guys how
to be attractive to QUALITY women – and I teach them how to attract
friends, success, money, and a balanced peaceful lifestyle. I teach
guys the BIG picture of how success with women translates to the
rest of their lives – and how to do it with honor and integrity.
“Guys get massive results from what I teach because I’m not giving
you an imaginary magic pill or magic bullet. There is none, and I’m
sure there’s quite a few guys reading this that have bought some
program in the hopes that it would be.
“I give guys lasting and deeply fulfilling success in their dating –
and in the rest of their life, too.
Techno: Question 9: Natural vs gambits. What do you say.
Carlos: “I know there are a lot of guys out there that see this picture as
very black-and-white. There’s one camp that thinks that you should
NEVER use anything memorized or pre-rehearsed because that’s fake.
The other camp thinks that you must use canned material because you
can apply it in a predictable way.
“Here’s what I feel…
“You DO need pre-rehearsed material to get the hang of how social
“BUT only as long as you need them to start generating your own
“If you’re talking with most people with no problem, and your social
ability is okay in 90% in most situations, but when you get in
front of a woman that you’re attracted to you lose your cool, it’s
not a matter of what you’re saying. It’s what you’re THINKING. And
that’s part of my Alpha Man operating system that I show guys.
“You want to shift to natural conversation as quickly as you
possibly can. Anything you’ve rehearsed or memorized is only a tool
to get you past those occasional moments where you have a
brain-fart, or you blank out because you’re in a low-energy state.
“Your first focus should be relaxation and calming your mind, then
use something convenient to open the conversation. From there, your
focus is purely on the “vibe” in the interaction. The “vibe” is the
ability to be in-the-moment with a woman and get improvisational
with her. It’s not hard, and again, it’s a huge topic to discuss
here. I wrote a book on vibing that guys can get from me directly.
Techno: Question 10: What is your favorite opener?
Carlos: “I like to let the situation dictate what I say to a woman because
it allows for such a natural flow to the interaction. Being
authentic is the most important way to walk up and start a
conversation. However, there are some things that I will say if my
mind is blank, and that’s where having a few good “lines” memorized
can come in handy. (Let me emphasize here that this does not mean
you should rely on canned routines for your conversation. ONLY the
opening should be memorized.)
“One of my favorite openers is this: “Hi, I just had a second to
come over and let you know that I think you have a really great
energy about you. I really liked that about you and I thought you
should know. My name is Carlos…”
“It’s simple and direct, and it NEVER fails to get a positive
response from a woman – if it’s delivered with sincerity. Again, I
won’t say it if it isn’t true.
Techno: Question 11: What type of guy succeeds under your system?
Carlos: “Let’s put it this way – if you’re getting all the women you need in
your life right now, and your confidence is through the roof every
single day, you probably don’t need my programs. But if you feel
there’s an area of your life – and not just your dating life! –
that you want to take care of – to find more passion and purpose,
to live what I call the Alpha Lifestyle, then you owe it to
yourself to take a look at the information I share with guys every
week. And especially if you’ve tried other “seduction” programs and
found that you aren’t making the progress you think you should.
Techno: Question 12: Carlos you are a rockstar instructor whom I pattern. thanks for the info and interview!
What is your website in case my guys in the Raleigh Durham lair want to find your stuff and learn more or get your email instruction?
Carlos: “The best way for them to get acquainted with what I have to offer
is to get on my free newsletter here:
“I’ve got a ton of great information, including audio and video
training on everything from inner confidence to how to approach.
“Then, if it makes sense, they can take a look at my other programs
that can help them massively increase their skills with women.
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