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Great Ted Talks to Help Your Game

The following video hit home for me today. We have had lots of arguments in the local NC game group. Some guys think they are good because they are getting lots of women. Others think they are good because they find themselves with the “Right” women in mutually beneficial relationships. Some guys think they are good because the latest technique got them laid by yet another different woman. Others think they are good because they used their genuine selves and personalities lead to a woman respecting and loving them for who they are on the inside.  Right now I have 2 sets of students. Those that look at women as the “Coins” they collect in a video game and those that look at women as the greatest thing on earth to join up with in mutual benefit.


The following two TED talks explain what I’ve been observing in many students and colleagues when it comes to their training. Sometimes they are fulfilling the new trend of “arousal addiction…” rather than becoming their best selves…“>;year=2011;theme=unconventional_explanations;theme=bold_predictions_stern_warnings;theme=new_on_ted_com;event=TED2011;tag=Culture;tag=education;tag=gaming;tag=gender;tag=sex;&preAdTag=tconf.ted/embed;tile=1;sz=512×288;” />” pluginspace=” type=” application> type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode=”transparent” bgColor=”#ffffff” width=”526″ height=”374″ allowFullScreen=”true” allowScriptAccess=”always” flashvars=”vu=>
Zimbardo illustrates that we are rewiring men more and more with arousal addiction: The desire for more different things. He doesn’t suggest any ways to improve this but is very frank how men are no longer men in social settings or in the bedroom due to this addiction. Prior to this a woman made the same observations…;year=2010;theme=celebrating_tedwomen;theme=unconventional_explanations;theme=women_reshaping_the_world;event=TEDWomen;tag=Culture;tag=Global+Issues;tag=economics;tag=education;tag=women;&preAdTag=tconf.ted/embed;tile=1;sz=512×288;” />” pluginspace=” type=” application> type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode=”transparent” bgColor=”#ffffff” width=”526″ height=”374″ allowFullScreen=”true” allowScriptAccess=”always” flashvars=”vu=aaa>
Her best quote: An ideal leader of the past was a dictator and told people what to do. An Ideal leader now, “is somebody who can foster creativity, who can get the employees to talk to each other, basically build teams and get them to be creative… and those are all things women do very well.” 
“Men are the new ball and chain.” Men are being seen as the losers in the shift from manufacturing economy to information economy.
The end result of all this info? Men need to retool, beware of arousal addiction, and keep a balance between analog vs. digital lifestyle to learn how to connect with women again.  It’s part of the foundation of my training for guys looking to get better with women. Slow things down, observe the women rather than your loins and your penis compass. Socialize in groups rather than spending hours in the man cave. It’s no surprise one of the latest headlines out there was about a guy who did a marathon video gaming session and died from a pulmonary embolus when blood clots formed in his legs from sitting in his house for close to 48 hours straight playing a popular video game.
You may be noticing the trend in the bar scene I’m seeing. Lots of successful women using the guys as sex toys. And the same night lay masters looking to provide them with good feelings. Many of my students are ok with that… however the end game is about finding women who mutually respect you. Men who are arousal addicted are perfectly fine being the sex tools for these women because a different women every day keeps that arousal up.  The “Natural” you are seeing out in field may actually be beta’ing himself so much to women that he has written off deeper relationships with women.  I’m noticing the mutual love and respect women have for men dwindling in this situation. Students are getting good at using “Game” to have many sexual encounters… but ending up empty on the inside because they have no relationship management skills to allow them to bond with anyone. They don’t have the alpha enjoyment of being the “Provider” anymore. The women they encounter more often than not are making much more money than them. I see hired guns paying more so for the apartment or car and their “slacker” boyfriends on the couch playing video games. I know about many of these guys because my students are having sex with their girlfriends who see their boyfriends as emasculated. If you can’t lead yourself to a better life, women see you as a failure in the bedroom too.
I’ve retooled my training to be more about regaining the alpha status and some equality back in relationships with women rather than being fooled into becoming their omega male sex toy.  Has your guru noticed this problem yet, and how it can emasculate you? You may be getting more sex, but you may also be getting more beta to your women you have sex with. Stay alpha, lead, provide, and avoid arousal addiction. Life is NOT a video game with points for every woman you lay. The path to being your best self involves surviving these shifts in the world’s view of the value of men and maintaining your manhood.  Game shouldn’t train you to be a ball and chain sex toy of a social set, but many so called puas are just that. Rise above it.


The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: Introduction

thought this was worth sharing from art of manliness to all students.

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The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: Introduction

The purpose of the Art of Manliness is to help men become better men. To that end, we often explore some of the problems unique to modern men and offer suggestions on actions they can take to overcome those problems. One problem that we discuss regularly on the site is that of the modern male malaise. Maybe you’ve experienced it: You feel restless and without a sense of purpose. You lack confidence in yourself as a man. You might be 20 or 30 or 40 years old, but you don’t feel like you’ve reached manhood.

A few weeks ago, we did a series called “The Five Switches of Manliness.” In it we made the case that within every man are psychological “switches” that must be turned on if a man wishes to activate his unique primordial masculine energy. The switches are how you power up the Wild Man within you and overcome the feelings of shiftlessness and male malaise that many men experience these days.

Another way of approaching the cure for the modern male malaise comes from the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, by Jungian psychologist Robert Moore and mythologist Douglas Gillette. Moore argues that masculinity is made up of four archetypal male energies which serve different purposes. All men, whether born in the U.S. or Africa, are born with these archetypal energies. The authors argue that to become a complete man, a man must work to develop all four archetypes. The result of striving to become complete is a feeling of manly confidence and purpose.

King, Warrior, Magician, Lover was originally published in 1990, and it has had a pretty big influence on masculinity in America. It, along with Robert Bly’s book, Iron John: A Book About Men, kick-started the mythopoetic men’s movement of the early 1990s. During this time, many men in America started attending men’s groups and weekend retreats where they would take part in rites of passage and discuss ancient myths to gain personal insights about what it means to be a man. You can still see the influence of King, Warrior, Magician, Lover in books like Wild at Heart or weekend men’s retreats like The ManKind Project.

Some of the ideas in KWML are of the New-Agey, sensitive pony-tail guy, sitting in drum circles in the woods type. Personally, that sort of approach doen’t appeal to me as a man. I know lots of men that get a lot out of that sort of thing. To each their own. Nonetheless, I still feel like I benefited a great deal from reading the book and putting into practice some of Moore and Gillette’s ideas.

Over the next few months, we’re going to be delving into the four masculine archetypes in KWML. We’ll explore what they are and how you can access them on your journey to becoming a better man.

A Short Primer on Jungian Psychology

Psychologist Carl Jung

Like much of the literature in the mythopoetic men’s movement, KWML is grounded in the psychology of Carl Jung, particularly in his idea of psychological archetypes. To understand the four archetypes of masculinity, it’s helpful to understand a bit about Jungian psychology. I could devote an entire post to Jung’s psychology, but I’ll keep this brief for our purposes.

Carl Jung was one of the early and most influential modern psychologists. Ever take one of those Myers-Briggs type indicator tests? Those were inspired by Jung’s idea of extroverted and introverted personalities. Have you ever heard somebody talk about the “collective unconscious?” That’s Jung, too.

From 1907 to 1913, Jung closely worked with and studied under the the Father of Modern Psychology, Sigmund Freud. While the two shared many of the same ideas about the human mind, they had their differences. Jung agreed with Freud’s theory of the unconscious mind, but he thought Freud’s view was too negative and incomplete. Freud focused on the unconscious as the place in which people harbored and repressed negative emotions and deviant thoughts. Jung agreed that negative emotions were repressed in the unconscious, but he also felt that positive experiences, thoughts, and emotions could be held in the unconscious, too.

Jung also diverged from Freud’s theory of the unconscious by arguing that there was a second, even deeper unconscious mind existing in all human beings. Jung called the first level of unconscious (the one Freud also affirmed)  the “personal unconscious.”  The personal unconscious was created by personal experience.

The second level of the unconscious mind Jung called the “collective unconscious.” According to Jung, the collective unconscious consists of instinctual and universal thought patterns that humans developed over thousands of years of evolution. Jung called these primordial behavior blueprints “archetypes.” For Jung, archetypes form the foundation of all personal experience. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a sophisticated businessman living in a high-rise apartment in Manhattan or a bushman living in a hut in Africa; Jung would argue that no matter who you are, you have the same archetypal behaviors embedded within you.

Jung believed that these archetypes of human behavior came to the surface in the conscious mind through symbols, rituals, and myths. He argued these archetypical patterns explain why we see similar motifs and symbols in rituals and mythical stories across cultures. For example, the dying/resurrecting God figure can be found in the stories and myths of ancient Greeks, ancient Sumerians, Christians, and Native Americans.

Jung’s belief that the collective unconscious is reflected though symbols and ritual also likely explains his fascination with the mystical and esoteric. He was a serious student of fields like alchemy, astrology, dream interpretation, and tarot,  although not for their claimed ability to tell the future or to turn lead into gold. Rather, he explored these esoteric traditions because he believed they could help individuals tap into the collective unconscious and explore the archetypal behaviors that resided within.

Alright, so what are the archetypes that Jung believed existed in each person? While Jung suggested a number of universal archetypes, the four main ones are: the Self, the Shadow, the Animus and Anima, and the Persona. For the purpose of this article, I’m not going to go into detail on all four of these. If it’s something you’re interested in, I’d encourage you to investigate these archetypes on your own.

Before we move on, let’s be clear about something. Archetypes aren’t personality types. Jung didn’t think you could classify a person as a specific archetype. A man can’t take a test to tell him that he’s a “Shadow.” Rather, the archetypes are simply patterns of behavior and thought, or “energies” that can be found in all people in varying degrees.

The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: King, Warrior, Magician, Lover

Psychologist Robert Moore took the concept of Jung’s archetypes and used it to create a framework that explained the development of mature and integral masculinity in men. Moore argued that the problems we see with men today–violence, shiftlessness, aloofness–are a result of modern men not adequately exploring or being in touch with the primal, masculine archetypes that reside within them. Like Jung, Moore believed that men and women possess both feminine and masculine archetypal patterns–this is the anima (feminine) and animus (masculine).

The problem with modern men is that Western society suppresses the animus or masculine archetype within them and instead encourages men to get in touch with their “softer side” or their anima. Moore would argue that there’s nothing wrong with men developing those softer, more nurturing and feminine behaviors. In fact, he would encourage it. A problem only arises when the development of the feminine comes at the expense of the masculine.

According to Moore, masculine psychology is made up of four major archetypes: King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover. In order for a man to achieve mature masculine strength and energy, he must be in touch with all four.

The Structure of the Archetypes

Moore argues that each male archetype consists of three parts: the full and highest expression of the archetype and two bi-polar dysfunctional shadows of the archetype. To better understand this, Moore portrays each archetype as a triangle. Here’s an example of the King archetype thusly illustrated:

The King Archetype

The bottom corners of the triangle represent the bi-polar shadow-split in the archetypal Self. The goal of each man, according to Moore, is to reconcile and integrate these two bi-polar shadows in order to attain the fullest expression of the archetype as represented at the top of the triangle.

Moreover, each archetype has a mature and immature form. Moore calls the mature forms of the masculine archetypes “Man Psychology” and the immature forms “Boy Psychology.” The mature masculine archetypes are the four we’ve already mentioned: King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. The immature, boyhood archetypes are the Divine Child, the Hero, the Precocious Child, and the Oedipal Child. Each of these immature archetypes have the same tripartite configuration as the mature archetypes. They all have their highest and fullest expression along with their two bi-polar dysfunctional shadows.

Before a boy can access the King archetype he must develop the Divine Child; before he can access the Warrior archetype, he must develop the Hero archetype. And so on and so forth.

Whew. That’s a lot to chew on and digest. It sounds complicated, but I think if you see Moore’s idea of the four masculine archetypes and the development from immature to mature masculinity in a diagram, it’s actually pretty easy to understand (Click the image to zoom in):

Click to see enlarged version

Over the next few months, we’ll be taking a look at each of the four archetypes and providing suggestions on how you can develop them more fully in your own life. Here’s a roadmap of what we have coming ahead:

  • Boyhood Archetypes
  • The King Archetype
  • The Warrior Archetype
  • The Magician Archetype
  • The Lover Archetype
  • How to Access the Archetypes
Like I said at the beginning of the post, Moore’s four masculine archetypes aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of joe. Some of his thoughts and ideas are sort of out there. However, I’d encourage you to keep an open mind about this stuff. Why? Well, first, I think it’s useful and just plain interesting to learn about an idea that has had a big influence on masculinity in America.
Second, the KWML framework is a useful tool to help you become a better man. While I don’t agree with everything that Moore lays out in KWML, I’ve personally found this framework useful in exploring and developing the mature masculine within myself. Maybe you will, too.

While being a man ultimately comes down to outwardly putting right principles into real action, those actions must come from a mature and healthy inner place, and these ideas, when thoughtfully reflected upon, can help get you pointed in the right direction as you seek to become the best man you can be.

I’d recommend getting a copy of the book so you can follow along as we go through the archetypes, as it will let you get more in-depth if your curiosity is piqued. Plus, I’d love to hear the insights you’ve gleaned while reading.

Related posts:

  1. 3 Archetypes of American Manliness- Part II: The Heroic Artisan
  2. 3 Archetypes of American Manliness- Part III: The Self-Made Man
  3. 3 Archetypes of American Manliness-Part I: The Genteel Patriarch
  4. Men’s Reading List: 34 Books About Being a Man

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Last night

Well me and the boys flew in last night to start the weekend right. After 5 hours of delay I ended up landing the same time as my students who took a direct flight and missed out on a table at the Roosevelt Hotel’s notorious Beacher’s Madhouse. You’ve got to see the website to believe what they do there. I was pissed because that place is booked solid though August. Anyhow I went straight to the Edison Downtown. This bar used to be a flooded-out power plant and is an amazing venue. Old silent movies play on the walls, lots of locations, a room with an organ.  My student brought me there because it was game heavy… lots of PUAs trying their techniques. Most of the women knew it too. But I was there to observe. LA is different than North Carolina: More men than women so women are hit on A LOT. This one group of women I saw get hit on at least 15 times in one hour.

The venue was full of the typical puas in various training. At least 10 guys walking back and forth looking for the next set to open (Thus losing value). Several coaches and students talking strategy: but right within earshot of the women who seemed to be listening in and in on the whole thing. The AMOG-style trained guys making fun of everyone (One just walks by and points at one of my students up and down, so I point back and he gets all enraged and stomps away. I thought amog training is about being less reactive? HA HA). Everyone had peacocked spiked hair. But what made me happy was one thing. The respect one of my students got. It’s obvious many of the PUAs have watched him game there in the past and seen his successes. Success he didn’t have until he flew in to North Carolina to learn game my way.  He had many of the puas saying hi to him genuinely and in friendly manner and one even went on to compliment him on his game to me when my student was talking to women.

In the venue were the usual guys doing the usual techniques, some having success, many having failed a few times sitting on the walls without a wingman to get them pepped up and back in the game. I saw 2 kiss closes on the evening: with drunk girls LOL.

Well we had opened several sets, including one with famed porn star Faye Reagan and my student had gotten pictures and a kiss from her. It was going well, people liked us because we were there to have a good time and be genuine, not technique heavy like many (not all) in the venue seemed to be. We saw a group of beautiful women sitting in the corner. My student opened followed by my other student and they wave me in. Natural. No counting to 90 seconds and all that. It was the 21st birthday of one of the ladies. At the request of a student I demo’d no-touch orgasm technique and had a great response from one of the ladies that made all the ladies curious and more open to investigating more about us. That was when the entire venue seemed open to us… more of the opens occurred with no problem and less resistance as usual once you have social proof.

I was introduced to several of the PUAs there. Some trained by ABC’s of Attraction, some from Stylelife. Some Casanova’s Crew, several Love Systems students. Really good guys deep down inside. The one thing that bothered me with several of these guys was this. When introduced to me, a few of them could not say “hi” in usual customary fashion to me. It’s as if they were suspicious of me and couldn’t say hi like in normal introductions! One said hi and immediately turned off to game some more, another shook my hand and when I asked how his night was going turned to his wing to talk after quite clearly hearing me, another was early in game and just garnering his voice so I couldn’t blame him for that. But with all those thousands of dollars of training, can’t someone just say, “Hi, nice to meet you, how was your flight, what do you think of this place, what do you do for a living,” and all the other usual related social banter and interaction that usually happens upon first being introduced to someone?  It was just odd that for all this training, you can’t say “hi” normally when introduced by a friend.  If you are taking the social arts seriously, learn to say “hi” when introduced and show some interest in the person at first when a friend introduces you. It’s basic, and prevents you from looking rude and having to climb the social ladder from a harder standpoint. Most importantly, it shows you have enough interest in this person because he or she has been introduced by one of your acquaintances, who you show some respect to for making an introduction.  Obviously they are making the introduction because quite possibly this is a person you would want to know.  At the end of the evening some of these guys came up to me more interested to talk to me as my social value went up when they saw I actually had game, but that should have been the enthusiasm upon introduction, especially when I was showing them interest in meeting them at first.  One gentleman did very well: We got into conversation about his career and him moving from South Carolina. He had two ladies waiting to talk to him and that increased their interest that he did well with them afterward.

One proud moment was my student had opened a mixed set. The gentleman of the set tried to amog him by having him take a picture of him with his 3 women. Spontaneously the student takes a picture of himself first for an LOL moment and then he obliged and took the picture as any normal person would do.  Student picked his desired woman and talked to her for a while. I winged by buying him a drink while he was in set to show he has friends. He reopened her 3-4 times and she number closed him despite the other AMOG styled gentleman doing his best to block him even to the point of fake laughing out loud to the women to try to get their attention while my student, genuinely interested, kept his focus on the woman he was interested in.  It was a proud moment to see him do well and move with confidence as well as ease, without worrying about the game.  We were there enjoying life as we all should be, and enjoying the people around us whether they were in the game or not. Started out with acceptance and curiousity of all the people but using playfulness to set them at ease, and that got us further as the evening progressed, and is why my student is rocking the venue.

Tonight: Playboy Mansion Party.

Projection and the PUA

I had a student ask me today what I meant by “Projecting” as I’ve used the term several times recently and used it with the student as well who was projecting the wrong things on women. “Women don’t want sex, these women hate men, these women just like testing.” The student was the one actually portraying this behavior, but he was projecting these thoughts as if the women he was gaming were actually thinking them, when they weren’t.

Projecting is when your inner thoughts and feelings get projected onto someone else, or you feel they have the same feelings as you. For instance say you see someone post on facebook they are getting rid of someone in their life. If you are going through something similar and hurt by it, you will say, “I understand how hurt you feel.” even though the other person may not feel hurt in the least. Projection can also involve feelings of jealousy. A person acting in good faith, who has your back, tells you you are showing signs of having issues or problems. The natural defense mechanism that many people have is to say, “It’s not my problem, it’s your problem” and will project their insecurities on that other person even though they are giving them cogent advice without any insecurities or problems. It’s really hard to catch projection because it takes an outside observer to notice it.

My ex wife used to project all the time. “You are buying this camera because you plan on leaving me!” She was all the while finding justification to leave me, in order to protect herself from me leaving her, even though that was never the case. I started questioning myself when she did this too, and my outside observer (a psychologist) pointed out how she was finding ways to deflect her insecurities onto me so much so that I have been rather keen on finding people who do this. Such as a woman who says “All of the good ones are taken.” “The good one’s keep taking other women, it’s not my fault I can’t find one.” is the subtext of that statement and projects that good men can’t pick the right women. (When the true problem is that woman can’t pick nor attract a good man for the life of her no matter the blatant signs right in front of her.)

So when I give advice, your reaction is your guide. The hardest things to change that need changing are sometimes the things people react strongest to and say they don’t need help. For instance an alcoholic. They drink. Then blame their wife for being a nag and a bitch for telling them to quit that it makes them drink more. OR an abusive husband who says, “See what you made me do? I’m a dick and hit you because of you!” Sometimes all I have to say is “OPEN!” and guys go into their defensive shells and then say I’m a shitty instructor because all I kept saying was
“Open” when they were defending their shell of never opening. Or I tell people in my doctors office to lose weight. I get the answer, “Just because you’re thin you are being arrogant telling me to lose weight. Fat people have the right to stay fat.” Doctors as paid advisors have the right and expertise to tell you you need to lose weight and get healthier for your health because that’s what you hired them for. Calling the doctor arrogant is a projection that defends the person from facing the need and reasons to lose weight. (The arrogance truly lies with the fat person who is defending being unhealthy to a doctor!)

So projection is a defense mechanism where you throw your insecurities and fears onto an object or person. Where you accuse someone of feeling just like you do only to protect your ego from addressing your own needs or to create a narcissistic space that protects you from having to hear the truth and fix any problems with it.

In Shakespeare’s play and history, the Julius Caesar story is a prime example. Caesar had the state and senate’s success in mind, but Brutus and the senators felt he was getting “ambitious.” The true people who were getting ambitous were the senators themselves. But in order to justify their want for power, they stabbed caesar to death all in the guise of his “Ambition” despite his rule bringing some of the brightest times to Rome and the Senate. Many times projection causes a “Kill the messenger” mentality. Caesar was attempting to keep things as is, but saw ambitious factions in the senate. When he noticed, the ambitious factions accused him of ambition. Then Mark Antony’s famous speech about how Caesar was not ambitious, but the ones who stabbed him were. “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.” (Sorry that’s the shakespearean English major coming out of me)

So when receiving advice, whether asked for or not, you end up taking a longer time to improve from that advice if you start projecting to defend yourself from the advice rather than see it for what it is. Your wingmen will sometimes enhance that narcissistic space and become enablers. Clear the mind. Meditate, and see that the truth comes to you.

Playboy mansion sarging

Students and Gentlemen:
I will be doing a training at the Playboy Mansion the weekend of June 25th. If you are interested email me at
Training will focus on high level hired gun game and how to game at the mansion itself. Currently the cost of the ticket to Karma Kandyland itself is 1000 and will go up to 2000 dollars rapidly. The bootcamp training with me will be 500 dollars and will consist of Friday evening lesson and sarging, all day saturday lessons then going to the mansion, then email debriefing and follow up game lessons. Since the ultimate goal for all of us going is to meet beautiful women, I cannot guarantee I’ll be able to do coaching the next day

Full payment of the ticket and 500 dollar deposit is due immediately if you are interested in the training. Email me if interested.
Come back to the location of the very first Project Hollywood reunion

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